It was quite a lengthy hiatus. I’ve been on the most overwhelming and bittersweet holiday break for the past month. During which I overused the term indulgence. It seemed like eons ago when I started preparing for this long-awaited vacation back home. To be honest, it started the moment I departed the country almost two years ago. So when the long wait came, it came and went like a flash.
As of writing time, yours truly is aboard the plane back to the place where I try to earn my keep. I have this whirlwind of emotions going on as of the moment. Anxiety, denial, and pangs of hurt and sadness as flashbacks of my loved ones’ faces saying their last goodbyes invade my still turbulent mind. It feels like a dream. My mind is in a violent state of renunciation knowing that tomorrow morning when I wake up, I won’t be seeing the familiar faces of family and friends that have been a huge part of my oh-so-short stay back home.
A lot has happened over the course of my vacation. I have had the best season holidays in years by far. I got married (yes I have! But that’s another story), got to know a second family, as it was also a time for self-rediscovery and re-association of the essence and values of home and the family. Being home again after quite some time urged me to realize some things, most importantly—that I would choose to be home any given time than to be anywhere else. If it was a choice that I could easily make without any other considerations, then I know I should not be here flying away from home. But reality has to be faced regardless of one’s whims.
I think I now understand the sentiments and emotions that cloud all those fellow overseas workers who leave home after spending the time of their lives with their families during these short but much-awaited vacations. The airport shows the stark difference between those arriving and those departing. The former—excited, eager and on cloud nine while the latter—doleful and melancholy.
While undergoing all those queuing, checking-in and stuff, I was looking at all the exits, thinking that one exit door after the other offers that last chance to make up my mind. I know I have all the liberty and discretion to decide right there and then. Either be impulsive and impractical but happy or be sound and pragmatic but heavy-hearted. I really don’t know if checking in my baggage sealed the deal for me, maybe it did.
To console myself, I had to rethink of the reason or reasons why I chose this path in the first place. Whatever that motivation was, it seemed such a plausible one at that time so despite this self-imposed drama, I know this is the right choice. As of now that is. I am well aware too that as long as I continue to pursue a career in the obscure greener pasture, it will also be an unceasing process of questioning my options and decisions.
I left my heart all over again back home. I know very well it belongs to waking up in the morning with the sound of roosters, where the days are spent languidly basking in the highland sun and the evenings are savored with pinikpikan and long family talks over pine bonfires. It belongs there in the community where everyone knows everyone else. It belongs to where the family is, where foolish love is kindled and bound, and a place where the mind and heart know no limits and boundaries.
As of writing time, yours truly is aboard the plane back to the place where I try to earn my keep. I have this whirlwind of emotions going on as of the moment. Anxiety, denial, and pangs of hurt and sadness as flashbacks of my loved ones’ faces saying their last goodbyes invade my still turbulent mind. It feels like a dream. My mind is in a violent state of renunciation knowing that tomorrow morning when I wake up, I won’t be seeing the familiar faces of family and friends that have been a huge part of my oh-so-short stay back home.
A lot has happened over the course of my vacation. I have had the best season holidays in years by far. I got married (yes I have! But that’s another story), got to know a second family, as it was also a time for self-rediscovery and re-association of the essence and values of home and the family. Being home again after quite some time urged me to realize some things, most importantly—that I would choose to be home any given time than to be anywhere else. If it was a choice that I could easily make without any other considerations, then I know I should not be here flying away from home. But reality has to be faced regardless of one’s whims.
I think I now understand the sentiments and emotions that cloud all those fellow overseas workers who leave home after spending the time of their lives with their families during these short but much-awaited vacations. The airport shows the stark difference between those arriving and those departing. The former—excited, eager and on cloud nine while the latter—doleful and melancholy.
While undergoing all those queuing, checking-in and stuff, I was looking at all the exits, thinking that one exit door after the other offers that last chance to make up my mind. I know I have all the liberty and discretion to decide right there and then. Either be impulsive and impractical but happy or be sound and pragmatic but heavy-hearted. I really don’t know if checking in my baggage sealed the deal for me, maybe it did.
To console myself, I had to rethink of the reason or reasons why I chose this path in the first place. Whatever that motivation was, it seemed such a plausible one at that time so despite this self-imposed drama, I know this is the right choice. As of now that is. I am well aware too that as long as I continue to pursue a career in the obscure greener pasture, it will also be an unceasing process of questioning my options and decisions.
I left my heart all over again back home. I know very well it belongs to waking up in the morning with the sound of roosters, where the days are spent languidly basking in the highland sun and the evenings are savored with pinikpikan and long family talks over pine bonfires. It belongs there in the community where everyone knows everyone else. It belongs to where the family is, where foolish love is kindled and bound, and a place where the mind and heart know no limits and boundaries.